B-Side is our latest news section breaking the stories you won’t read about anywhere else. Hard hitting news off the back of a truck that we published without fact checking.

Melbourne Bounce producer Will Sparks has another drop and this time it’s to the surprise of everyones ears. Yes, the famously physically jacked DJ has secretly completed a PhD in Chemical Engineering at an unrevealed, top 10 ranked University.

When we reached out for a statement, Will, who prefers to now be called William, quoted in a British tinged accent, “For years I’ve outwitted those peasants called the media and built up a knowledge of science beyond mosts of humanities comprehension. These beefy biceps didn’t come from the gym. They come from writing a fucking 10,000 page thesis.”

Pressed on the future of his Melbourne bounce career, full name William Euripides Barclay Sparkman said although he won’t rule out a comeback, his current focus is on reducing the environmental impact of primary production in third world countries.

Our investigation into the second life of Melbourne Bounce producers will continue.