You should be delighted to know that the internet has dug up a hilarious document penned by an agent from the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) of the United States. Outlined in the summary is a wholehearted and noble attempt to navigate the cruel and confusing world of raves. Spooky stuff!

The report is verified by a retired detective who had been “going to raves since 1992,” so you know from the onset that this shit is going to be legit. Read for yourself:

A little background on the origins of rave culture never hurt anyone, you have to write for your audience. And if they happen to be older men and women, who have about as much to do with ‘rave culture’ as the Queen of England and her corgis, then maybe you should also include a prompt on what the fuck you’re actually listening to. Supplied thusly:

HOOO boy. And it only gets funnier from here. You know how you think ravers drink Gatorade? They don’t. They drink Redbull because it has caffeine in it. P.S. Ravers have an enhanced sense of light.

And to round things out, just in case you’ve ever been raving and decided you needed a motto; The DEA seems to have finally cracked what PLUR stands for.

[via Gawker]

[Image via H3H3 Productions, Papa bless]