The Stoney Soundtrack: Valentunes Day

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The Stoney Soundtrack: Valentunes Day

And as it is, that day has rolled around again. The ol’ sweat inducing, fear inspiring, expectation ridden not-even-legitimate-Halmark-holiday, Valentines Day. Single or betrothed, it’s always just a bit of an emotional shit fight. Cue panic.

But before you write off your V-Day as a D-Day, we here at Stoney have compiled the perfect list of clear and concise instruction, naturally with accompanying tracks of the latest and greatest tracks of lurve  (‘ O if life were an electronica musical ‘) to help you get through the day with minimal trouble in paradise. Call us your musical spirit angel guides as we lead you throughout the day to romantic domination…

It’s morning. You’re in your jimjams working on that second bowl of coco pops and contemplating a piccolo latte (you’re of variable tastes, we understand) as you plan your day. Apart from general hustling and mischievousness – what else is there to do? Then the Facebook torrent falls hits you as hard as a new track from The Knife – it’s Valentines day, and you are currently A LONELY PLEB.

Flume ft. Chet Faker – Left Alone (Ta-ku Remix)
With lightning speed – you take to the wardrobe and put on your best seducing outfit and sleaziest aftershave/eau de parfum – essence of lurrrrve. Luckily Valentines day falls on a Friday this year so you know that da club will be full and ridden with beautiful boize/gurlz (no more Monday pick-ups at the RSL for you sir!).

You awkwardly hang out at the bar with your crew of wingmen/wingwomen hanging near behind to give you some much needed street cred. You sip on a spiced rum (totes understated) as you over-consciously monitor forehead moisture. With three dranks down, you fear that they may never appear and you’ll be forever alone. Then, emerging from the smoke and sticky floors, you see them. Your heart starts beating in time with the dub as they walk towards you, and all you can think is…

Rüfüs – Take Me (Cassian Remix)
You must swoon this lad/lady. Then bingo! You heard that bitches love dinner. Frantically you panic over what ye shall dine on; a moonlit picnic? an eight course degustation? a whole live lobster that you personally catch and cook to show you’re a culinary mad dog? Then it hits you – what better dinner to have than something that gets you all ravenous, a little bit sticky and generally shows your chewin’ skills…

Kelis – Jerk Ribs (Mount Kimble Remix)
After you guys have really gotten to meat each other properly, it’s time for the real seduction to begin. You’ve combed stick bits out of your mo/ponytail and invested in one of those weird mint sprays that creepy 90s pervs use. You take your beloved/person you just met in your arms, and oh, you know it’s time. Even so, the sensitive suitor always seeks…

Hayden James – Permission to Love (Touch Sensitive Remix)
With permission granted – there’e little else to do but put your business socks on because it’s business time my friend. (Positive affirmation of the day: two minutes of heaven are better than one). Before you think it would be a good idea to blast this Flume classic from your stereo, just get funky and get…

Sam Smith x Nile Rogers x Disclosure x Jimmy Napes – Together
Congratulations! You have had a successful V day. You look over to your Valentine and feel those familiar workings of affection and resentment. You linger on him/her, feeling satisfied that you didn’t end up eating a family sized neopolitan ice cream with scotch drizzle (look at me now, ma!). And with another Valentines day triumphed with swagger, you know there’s only one thing to do…

SnoopZilla ft. Dam Funk – Niggas Hit Da Pavement

Happy Valentines from your Stoney lovers!

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