100 extra police officers have been rostered on for week 1 of operation ‘let’s get everyone knitting with the baby boomers’ because knitting is yes, very very fun and we all need woollen jumpers for winter and woollen eye masks for our eyes (those ones are made complimentarily, thanks to the state government).

The lockout laws couldn’t have been more perfectly timed, with thousands of people from around the world coming to celebrate Sydney’s world famous Mardi Gras.

Commissioner Murdoch broke down the imminent tense situation set to emerge on Sydney’s nightlife this weekend in Layman’s terms by quoting ‘There are 11 venues involved in Newcastle (currently using the law) while there are more than 1000 venues in the affected areas in Sydney.’ Well ain’t that gr8 m8.

Police commissioner Murdoch kept it frank by also stating ‘People who have been queuing before 1.30am will believe they have the right to entry. It will be up to the venue to make a cut-off in the queue to give those people time to find another venue’.

So while Paris are reopening their abandoned subways for cool hotels, shopping complexes and bars, we are closing our normal bars and suffocating our nightlife. Wo0t.