Update: Looks like it was all fabricated but could imagine lots of stories going on behind the scenes!

Internet beehive Reddit sparked a lengthy discussion titled the ‘Former groupies of Reddit’ last night, and it’s already spilled hilarious stories about the likes of Tiesto, Deadmau5, Afrojack, Steve Aoki and more.

With a non-EDM related funny being how “[a] friend of a roommate’s mother fucked DMX. We got his number from her cell phone but his answering machine message was just him barking for 30 seconds”, a bunch of the real highlights have come from female user ‘nopenoone’, who “used to be an assistant TM for quite a few big-name EDM acts and was in regular rotation for artist handling for a handful of large festivals.”

While there are some reassuring stories about big trance players like Armin Van Buuren who “is so incredibly calm” and Arty who “asked to be taken back to his hotel” when somebody took out some drugs at an afterparty, there are stories about Afrojack, saying that if there was ever any doubt, “is a douche”, who “makes everyone leave the backstage, even if you have an AA or are a performing artist if he is out on his way to the stage or coming back from his set.” He’s also “very ignorant of music in general. He straight up said to me that he bothered to learn The Beatles names because he ‘doesn’t waste his time on old music no one listens to’.”

Dirty-dubstepper Bassnectar, meanwhile, “fucked a girl in her pooper with a sharpie”, and similarly Borgore is “rowdy as fuck. Jesus christ that boy is insane. I handled him once and never again, I was exhausted. He tried to finger a girl in a club and when she complained he said ‘Bitch I’m Borgore’ and walked off. He also went around at an afterparty walking up to people asking for coke, and when I tried to stop him he says ‘oh please, I’m Borgore, no one is going to arrest me!’. He was a nightmare.” Nonetheless it’s nice to know that Above and Beyond are “the best guys to work with”.

Controversy-laden Deadmau5 unsurprisingly gets slammed: “He hates those who like him and treat him well. If you treat him like shit he likes you so much more. He also is obsessed with being the ‘hurr durr l337 m4st3r tr0ll lolololol’. I know a lot about Joel, including how he got to where he is and how if it wasn’t for the fact one artist, who is a childhood friend of his who he stabbed in back, he would still probably be living like a crack-den.” Likewise, Steve Aoki is “a dick. He thinks its funny to talk about the girls he fucks in a really messed up way, and likes to push them to do really extreme things (like how he bragged he got a girl to fuck herself with this vase in his hotel room and made one girl sit in a cake and ‘ate the cake, icing at all out of her twat’)”.

Once-trance-lord-now-EDM-fail Tiesto, though, probably takes number #1 for most-embarrassing story on the thread. “There is a lot of Tiesto you have to remember when handling him… if people are going to meet-and-greet it must be in a certain lighting so you can’t really see his age or what touring has done to him. He’s also had a lot of work done… only girls of a certain look and likes multiples. When he leaves the venue, alley and path to his car must be completely secured, he really likes snow-peas and always has them in his rider.”

That’s right, his meet and greets have to be done in specific lighting. Think about that for a moment.

You can read the full thread here to hear more incredible stories about the likes of Fatboy Slim, who “once did so much coke in the greenroom he got a nosebleed and I had to replace the pillows on the couch”, Diplo, Dillon Francis, David Guetta and more.

Lol.