An idea popped up at Stoney Roads the other day. Since the internet moves so fast, and everyone has such a short attention span these days, we thought it mightn’t be a bad idea to do our upcoming interview with Leon and Kesi of Rudimental exclusively over Twitter. Immediately after that conversation, I realised that this interview would involve me sitting about twenty centimetres away from a couple of fellow human beings while I awkwardly avoided eye contact and buried myself in my phone. I do not enjoy public transport, and constructing an interview at all similar to that experience has never been on my to-do list.

So I decided to balance that uncomfortable idea with a lot of dumb questions that I thought were hilarious. This of course fell apart, and after a couple of awkward, extended silences were enjoyed while we tweeted a boring conversation, I gave up on the Twitter thing and let silliness reign.

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It felt liberating to be walking up the grand staircase of Sydney’s Four Seasons Hotel with a six pack of tinnies in my backpack – a prize for the winner of the not-very-well-thought-out quiz show that was my interview plan. After being introduced to Leon, Kesi and their tour manager Jez, I outlined the plan for the interview, and they of course looked at me like I was a moron.

A quick quiz section warmed them up though. Leon was adamant than the London 2012 Olympics were in fact held in 2012, despite my suggestions otherwise, and he correctly guessed that the look Mum gives me when I’m home late for dinner is in fact colder than Antarctica. They were sharp. Hitting every curve ball and getting 2 points straight off the mark. I knew I had to be on top of my game.

After a pause for some tweeting and a discussion about how weird culture has become because of technology, we somehow ended up at the following.

Sandro (Stoney Roads): Why don’t males take selfies?

Leon: What’s selfies?

S:You don’t know what a selfie is? You know, when you do these ones (mimes selfie)

Kesi: (Breaks out in fits of laughter)

L: Oh, I do them all the time, my mates are killing me for it. “What are you doing? Why are you biting your bottom lip?”

S: Ohhh no. I’m so glad I asked that question

K: That’s embarassing. You need to stop it.

L: Nah, I’m never gonna stop it, cuz that’s what I’m about. That’s me.

(laughs)

K: I’ve seen Dizzee Rascal slogging people for it on Twitter.

L: Yeah, standard. He said something like “I can’t stand guys who take pictures of themselves”. I think it was aimed at me to be fair.

I then challenged the boys to a game of ‘Heads Down, Thumbs Up’, but they took way too long to come to the conclusion that the game was rigged since I was the only picker. I cackled as my true genius shone through, and the quiz points rained down upon me.

I was starting to look like a colossal dick, so I went to a classic quiz question – “If you were the queen, what would you do?”. Both men agreed that they would go mental because they’d suddenly been imprisoned in the body of an old woman, but we explored that a bit further.

S: You’re an old woman, right? There are certain things you can’t do as a man that you can do as an old woman.

L: I’d see if my sexual organs were working, I think.

S: That’s it, you’ve got to experiment. I mean would they feel…actually no let’s not go down this road.

After finding out that fellow Rudimental member Amir was about my height (6’6″) and twice the size of me, we agreed that he would definitely defeat an oversized zombie teddy bear in a fight, but there were more important issues at hand. For example, my genius plan to make fools of them in a rigged game of homonym-guessing was foiled because nobody seemed to know what a homonym was. We soon got past that though.

S: Before sliced bread came around, what do you reckon the best thing in the world was?

L: Non-sliced bread.

S: Well that’s just silly, bread was never that good until they brought out the slicer.

L: You’re not wrong. Erm, thongs?

S: You reckon they had thongs before they had sliced bread?

L: Well what dates are we talking?

J: When was it invented? The 60s?

K: You can just use a knife and stuff though innit. Let’s Google it.

L: (Talking to phone’s voice recognition software) When was sliced bread created?

J: 1992.

L: In 1943, there was a ban on sliced bread in the US. What? As a wartime conservation method apparently.

S: What were they conserving? Blades?

K: This is an outrage.

S: Well, we’ve learnt things.

K: It’s been an education.

S: …and I’ve got no information of you that’s useful, but that’s OK because I had a good time.

L: Ta mate, I needed that chat about selfies.

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As it turns out, it’s not much of an interview when you’re mainly saying stupid things and hoping for some interaction. However I’ll consider the interview to not be a complete waste of time if you click over to Rudimental’s Facebook and Soundcloud pages, and give them the love that they deserve. You can also check out the few monotonous questions we actually asked the boys on Twitter if you really want to.